A lot can happen in a year

One year ago.  One year ago today, on a Friday afternoon, my family doctor’s office called me to inform me they had received the biopsy results from the lump under my left arm pit.  I can remember driving from my office on the south side of Archbold to the doctor’s office on the North side of the tracks.  I recall wrestling with the thought, did I want there to be a train to delay getting the news that I was fairly certain I was about to get.  Or would I prefer there not be a train that would only give me more time to conjure up a whole host of options.  There wasn’t a train.  It’s actually quite amazing how many thoughts can go through your head and heart during a three-to-four-mile car ride.

As I drove myself to the doctor’s office, I was well aware that the fact they wanted me to come in and talk about the results instead of just telling me over the phone meant that the biopsy showed something abnormal at best.  During that short drive I talked to myself about my life.  I remembered the parts that made me happy and the parts I wished I could go back and do over.  I told myself that even though my life to that point hadn’t been perfect, nor without its challenges and disappointments, I was loved despite my screw-ups.  I thought how proud I was of my three children, who have grown up to be amazing people.  I also thought of my two granddaughters who bring me great joy.  I took inventory of sixty-one years of life and realized I had been very blessed in those sixty-one years.  A person can cover a lot of memories in a few miles.

I am thankful for so many people who blessed me on this journey: Doctors, nurses, friends, family, church members, strangers, everyone.  One of the things I have been wrestling with since my treatment ended in August last year is my emotional level.  I will choke up and get teary-eyed at the slightest hint of sentimentality.  It happens while watching someone rescue a kitten on a Tik-Tok video or reading the Facebook post from someone on the Lymphoma support group while waiting for a haircut at Great Clips.  I realized today there is a theme that runs thru each of these moments.  I tear up at the moments that celebrate life.  Whether it be a feral kitten being rescued from the streets or the online community supporting a new member who was just diagnosed and is anticipating treatment, it’s a beautiful thing to be reminded that life wins.  It shouldn’t be taken for granted.  We should and need to celebrate those beautiful moments when against all odds, life wins.

“Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful.”  ―L.R. Knost